What a bitchin' day.

Oh today has been one of the most hectic days I've had in a long time.
Why? Dealing with bills and money I don't have or have no access to.

On paper, I'm a single, unemployed resident of the US. Not a citizen. ON paper, I have a shit ton of debt, a clean driving record and a daughter who, on paper, I can't support.
It's never always been like this.

I had to switch accounts today because of some internal financial crap my parents are going through. So they wanted my name on nothing that could be taken away from me. I have a hidden bank account with about, 100$ in it, and I own my own car. That's it. What did me in?

My pregnancy. I paid, for everything myself. All the bills, the doctors visits, all my medication, my supplies for whatever complications I endured. I paid for it all myself. Sonograms. Mine. Chris. paid. Nothing.

My fault. :)

Now that he'd moved in, the first year and a half, I paid half the rent, and all the utilities, I bought groceries, I paid my own bills and with help from my parents, took care of Jaiden. I used my unemployment check. My savings. whatever I could. Til...
Again. MY FAULT.

Now, every month like clockwork, my account suffers a huge hit with late fees, or insufficient fund fees when bills are deducted and there's no money there. Why? Chris sucks. I have to BEG him for the money every month to pay the bills he KNOWS is coming. Repeatedly, over and over again.

Why can't he make the money available to me to get what I need to get done?
After almost 3 years of not working, my monetary confinement as now suffocated me and there's nothing I can do.
I hate asking him over and over again for checks or cash every month. I'm taking money from my parents to tide things over so I don't get these fees but it's an inconvenience to them as well. And I don't hide that fact. I want him to feel guilty that I have to turn to them so damn often. How can you call yourself a man when you fail at providing? When I mentioned this to him recently, his only retort was.."I need money to go to Vegas." What the FUCK!
If he won't take care of his own shitty credit, why ruin what's left of my good one?! Seriously? Vegas?

So within the next 4 days I look forward to begging for rent, food, utility money for the week that he's going to be gone since it's the first of the month. Rent. Money for groceries or food for the week. Diapers. Lights. Cable. Internet. Phone. I have a prescription for Jaiden that would need to be filled.

It's not hit fault but he makes it difficult and looks at me like I'm raping his account when I ask. And I have to ask every time. He could do me a small favor and either make the money available to me or giving the money to me without me having to beg every month, watch all the fees and then feel like shit when I ask.

I hate relying on unreliable people.
I hate relying.