A moment

All day long my head was literally reeling, thoughts just swarming in and out and in and out and I was slowly but so swiftly losing my mind. About what?
It still kills me about San Francisco...I didn't know if to approach him about if it would be something he would do. If it's something men do on the regular. I don't know what was going through my head to be completely honest. I know I lost it, and if this was a few weeks ago, I would have lost it and ultimately blown up at him or something.

It kept going over and over in my head, how could he?
Why did he?
How often does he?
Is he that lonely when he's away and not drunk?
Is he generally that lonely?
Does he look forward to traveling to do that?

I think its because Vegas is coming. After the milestone that he'll make Tuesday out to be he might be in a rather celebratory mood. Tonight he said he wanted to start sending out goodbye emails. I said he should elect not to because nothing's happened yet. If anyone KNEW anything he'd know. I'm certain of it. But I was literally, pacing, and talking to myself. And contemplating how I'd ask if I decided to. Maybe I'd make it a hypothetical question. A problem of a friend. SOMETHING! ANYTHING!!

And then once I showered, my mind seemed to let go of it. It's still there, don't get me wrong, but it's no longer plaguing my mind like it was earlier.
Haunting.
Driving me to the point of madness, almost.