Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Full of insecurity.

The last thing I need is more of that. More questions. More issues. I had a dream last night that had me searching the web for something I hadn't done in a while. At least not after I had our daughter. STD screening and testing.
Chris has always said he'd never pay for sex.
Which means he'll never have a hooker. Doesn't mean when he's wherever he is, others won't simply 'give it up' in whatever form he might deem, trouble-free.

After the first time we crossed this juncture and I was lied to, made to feel bad about my own desire to be tested and being positive for something good of the bad, and knowing he'd never do it himself or if I asked, simply because he'll say he never has time. I took it upon myself to look for free clinics that do them.

Unfortunately none are close and their schedules as so twisty.
But I looked nonetheless.
I have no insurance. Yesterday's doctor visit alone costed almost 200$ out of pocket for what i could pay 20$ in a co-pay.
So I called a friend. One who I knew would 1. Keep it between us. 2. Go with me. And 3. Stay with me. I need to know I'm safe. Because if I'm not.....so help me God....he didn't just put me at risk.
And I don't know what I'd do.

Update = Made the appointment but I'll have to go alone. The time I got was before my friend could be out of work. Never the less, at least I'll know.

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