I couldn't

... Laying in bed. 20 to 4. Listening to my iPod fir the first time in forever. Music has filled m space the last few days. And a song comes on now. Jason Walker - you fill my heart .. And the only person who comes to mind. Is Chris. I can't erase him. I'm momentarily upset because of a call I made just a little while ago. Mad at the voice I heard on the voicemail. Mad at where this person is. How close. And what she sent him.
Mad at how often he's said he's in that area.
Mad at wondering and not knowing.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word - Elton John.
Great song that kind if deserves this moment. Sorry can't fix anything lately. Might not fix anything at all.

While talking to Jay this morning. He asked why we aren't married ... Chris and I. I said because he hasn't asked. And I won't rush or force him. Maybe one day he might ask. And I might say yes. He said it sounded like if Chris waited too long I would say no. And ended the statement with "poor guy"....

I have waited 4 years. Known him for about 8. And I'm patient. I really wanted to say I was stupid.

As much shit as he's done to me. Hurt me over and over. And I can't not want to be with him. Be his.
I couldn't see myself with another without aching for him.

Sent from my iPhone