My girlfriend

It's actually the title of a song by a band he loves. We actually have a similar taste in music but mine is more diversified. I enjoy country. Industrial. Instrumental. Classical. Big band. But when I hear that song above. I often wonder. If asked... "tell me about her.. What's she like? What do you like about her? Why are you with her?.. " what would he say? I've more often than not been someone to be highly spoken. Proud of. Appreciated. I was good at everything I put my mind to. School. Work. Any goal I had.

Would he be proud to talk about me?

Would he express true feelings in his words or would they be yet another facade ... ?
As life progresses.. I find that if it gets easier, it gets boring. If there's bumps. If it's hard. It requires work. Maintenance. It's mite enjoyable that way ... But only if you're willing. Able. The 'ready' part will have to come when it may because 'being ready' is a made up state of mind.

"..my girlfriend.."
I know he doesn't talk about me. Like tonight. He said the woman he was working with kept telling him how beautiful our daughter was. And he kinda threw in a " how beautiful you are" in...
He doesn't have any pictures of me worth showing for someone to make such a comment. I was sad for that moment.
You know how they say men feel neglected when they have a child and the mothers attention is focused on the child and not him? Its how I feel at times. Our daughter is his only possession worth speaking about.
He used to have a habit of forgetting me in the past if he's talking to people. It was always "..I'm with my daughter so I'll have to get back to you ." or "I'll try to get a sitter and let you know" or "I couldn't make it because Jaiden kept me up all night" or any number of excuses along those lines that suggested you've dedicated all your time to her and giving the other person the idea of you being a single father.

"my girlfriend.."
You forget how sympathetic I am to your needs after a long day or a hectic week. How caring I am if you're sick. But it never gets reciprocated. You've never come home and ask me how MY day was ....
Or if I need anything.

"my girlfriend"
Who am I to you? Just the person who cooks. Cleans. Takes care of the bills. Our child. Am I a roommate with benefits? I asked that before and was told "no." ... But when I give so much and get so little in return... I feel robbed.

"my girlfriend."
I want to be someone you can brag about. I'm not hot but I'm not hideous. You never tell me "hey.. You look nice today."
When we go out, I dress to impress. I like looking good. I rarely wear make up and in the past I never have. Now... I see the marks of time under my eyes. The stress on my nose and forehead. The weight of everything I carry inside and out residing in my back.

"my girlfriend"... Is doing more than she should and you acknowledge the fact that all you do is pay for things. You do nothing else. Next to nothing. I suppose I can draw attention to the fact you take the garbage out if I ask. You change, feed, bathe Jaiden if I ask and remind you two or three times after.

I wish you really did treat me like a girlfriend. I'd probably have more fun. I'd feel better. I'd feel safer. I'd see a future for us.

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