Utterly confused

That's been my theme lately. And every time I see him it gets more so.
"I still feel like I'm doing the right thing. I don't want to be with you. "...those are and have been his closing words. "I love you but I don't want to be with you.." once again on the phone today.

He popped up on Facebook for the first time in 3 years today. I know he saw everything I've said on mine from the last few days.
But he seemed unphased. I explained it's from days before, days just after it happened. I was angry. He said he knew and he understood. it was fine.

"I think about you guys when I'm sitting alone, I miss you. I miss you a lot. But I don't know if that's just me being lonely."

Yesterday at the beach was surreal.
He got here late but explained why. He was completely prepared. Unbrella, blanket, beach chairs, drinks, food, snacks. I was too. We really did look like a family. Off we went to the beach, for the first time. Ever.

We got there, unloaded and set anything up. Jaiden was excited to get there and see the sand, the water. The waves scared her but she adapted to the sand well. Because of the wind and the waves, he spoke and I couldn't hear. Lots of comments, nothing mean and snide, but rather, flirtatious, said under his breath. He took the liberty of taking several photos even. Of me. When I wasn't looking, but I saw them on his camera.

When we're together it's not strained, not awkward, unless we have to get close. And then I remember. "He broke up with me."
But yesterday - that wasn't present at all. He sat with me while Jaiden was indulging in the sand. And he held me, and he hugged me, and stole what seemed to be less than innocent kisses which turned into a slight moment of making out on the beach, just us. With Jaiden in the background playing in the sand. What made it more perfect? She could look at us to the others passing by and say "It's my mommy and daddy" rather than...something more embarrassing. But that moment felt complete. It felt right. It felt perfect. And he agreed.  But then he said he didn't know if that was real, or if it was him just missing me and being lonely - again. And that he couldn't base everything off of "That one time on the beach.."...
It's like he's trying to build more substance to define the relationship to himself.
But it baffles me. Why try so hard and act so...lovingly with someone who you can still say "I don't want to be with you."?
He thinks he's doing this all for Jaiden. All the outings, all the get togethers. The fireworks, the amusement rides, the beach. All for her.
He got bad news today - when he thought he would be moving out in 3 weeks into his new place, has turned into a month and a half, just about. Because the apartment he'd settled for was re-signed by its current tenant for another year. So he goes back on the waiting list.
I found it funny when he mentioned how much his family has offered to FURNISH his new apartment and how much his sister has offered to SELL him her old furniture. <--genius cunt move right there. The bitch is all about money. But then so is her mother.
I'll never forget before all this happened and he was home from the surgery and even before then from not working and he had to borrow money from his parents to go to LA for his job, and they took it RIGHT BACK AS SOON as he got his debit card from disability. He wasn't even here and they just took it. His mother activated the card and withdrew the money. Even after he asked them to wait, and let him pay the bills first or whatever.
They still took it.

Some family right?
We talked today for a long while. On the phone. And he thinks he's right for going, he thinks it'll help him realize if he really does want me or he's fine without me. Again - makes no sense. He said in the back of his head, in the back of him mind, he wants to tell me to wait for him. Because he knows me. He knows how I love. He knows I'll wait. I won't even dream of seeing someone else. Just like he waited for me.
I know what I want.
He knows what I want.

After all the ..'perfectness' on the beach ended yesterday and we drove home - as he exited the apartment he told me he loved me.
Yet - when I brought it up today he said he'd refrain from saying it or being as affectionate. "I know it hurts you so I won't do it. I'm sorry" basically. Yet he's doing it because he WANTS to. If it's how you feel why wouldn't you do/say it.

I get it, but I don't get it.
*sigh*...I love him...