But still torn in a decision. I have my part time job and since all of this happened with Chris, my main concern since I know Jaiden WILL be taken care of no matter what, was where I'd live. The fact that I'd be breaking my lease and paying fines (all of which he said he'd pay somehow), did make me saddened. Slightly angry but more sad.
So I opted to, after he stopped paying the rent, to move back home with my parents. I'd have to dump a lot of my furniture since I have no where to store what can't be used nor do I have the money to pay monthly storage. It's not expensive furniture, nor is it anything great.
August will be our first time going to court for some mandatory seminar. Our plan is to go together when he returns from Vegas. So that delays it for another week possibly. He hasn't sent the papers yet to get the date changed. So I hope he does it soon and I get a definite date.
I went after a position I should have gone after months ago but the paperwork got delayed or sidetracked. But I never pursued it either back then because I never saw this happening. Never saw it coming like this anyways.
And AND he still has no idea if/when he's moving.
But I told the manager/supervisor that I wanted to work the front desk to open the Fitness Center every morning before she got there at 9am.
Which means I'd have to be at work every morning at 4.30am.
The only incentive? Slightly more pay.
It'll be 4.45am-9am hopefully, and 7 days a week hopefully.
Plus I asked to keep my hours in childcare as is. Which leaves me time to go home and sleep after the first shift, fill in if anyone needs me to AND work my own shifts at night.
The shitty part? I'd possibly have to drag my daughter with me to work at 5am. So that would be struggling to pay rent and bills until I get on the second payroll and til child support kicks in, stick it out til next March and then move. Which means winter, will be a bitch.....UNLESS I move back home with my parents, save the extra income, not worry about food bills, cable, lights or anything.
If I did that (given that I get hired for the time/days I want/asked for), I'd be able to leave home without Jaiden because my mom will be there, go to work and be back in time to either take my mom to work if she needed it OR before Jaiden woke up. Plus I'll have child support to save as well.( if that's a substantial amount)
The downside? I lose my deposit when I move and I can't really go looking for a new place for a few months since it'll be on file that I broke my lease.
My parents have opted to swap rooms and take the den while I take the bedroom with Jaiden. I guess I could suck up the loss of the deposit, the loss of all the unnecessary furniture/toys/clothes that we won't be able to keep. To me, it'll just be so...crowded, so...stifling. BUT it'll be short term. Temporary ..til I can either move again on my own with assurance of steady income, OR (and this is a long shot) Chris comes to his senses and decides to somehow 'choose' me.
I don't know if that'll happen. He'll move into his own place and become comfortable. Video Games when Jaiden's not around and just slumming it. Undone laundry, messy rooms, he'll spend too much on groceries, cable, ...he's not a smart person with buying/financial support. He's very impulse buyer-ish. But that'll be his life when his daughter's not around. BUT he won't have the financial freedom in the long run... I know that much. Rent, bills, car, food, child support? He doesn't make enough. I know his parents will help out a good deal as far as Jaiden is concerned. Her clothes, her bed/furniture, toys.
With this job my social life <--what a joke, LOL HAHAHA ..yeah no...it leaves no room to be out all night. But I'm a single mom so I can't. AND I live at home so I can't.
It's a sacrifice I'll have to make. And a decision I'll have to make soon seeing as how July is almost over.
I spoke to him today since ..Wednesday?
He said he believes in what he's doing and he's not afraid. He says it's still about us and he doesn't want the complications of dating and all it entails. He doesn't want to consider it til he's sure about is.
All of that only came up because since he's moved out someone's been calling me every weekend almost, with a blocked number, 3-4 times every hour..I picked up once the first time it started. It was a woman, said she was Chris' girlfriend. I hung up and let my anger ignore it. It's 2 weeks later and it's happening again. Last night I picked up and ..same voice. she said she was Chris' girlfriend, she was the reason why he left me and he was using me til he could be with her. That hurt more than it should. I hung up. And I was upset. He said he'd been receiving unknown calls the night before but no one said anything.
He thinks it's someone off my Facebook, but it can't be. There's no one on there malicious enough to do that.
At the end of the conversation I told him I missed his voice and I missed him..he reciprocated it. I said I loved him but he didn't have to say it back. I asked if I should not say it, he said I should. I guess that's good. Because for the times I can't fight myself and I do text...at least I won't feel bad for having done it.
The smart choice is to move in a month.
I hope I follow through.
No comments:
Post a Comment