I think I love you

That was a conversation I had with myself today.
Do you love me?
Ultimately my answer is going to be and always have been -yes.
Why?
.....
What do you love about me?
Your smile, your humor. Your willingness to help others.

But if asked why do I love him I don't have an answer.
He doesn't comfort me.
Console me.
Dream with me.
Plan with me.
Take care of me.

If asked to think. Who would take care of you best if you were to suddenly age drastically. Or become deathly I'll. Who would take care of you best?
I know I can do all that for him. But I also know he cannot do that for me. I could not trust him to take care of things. Take care of me.
And identifying that truth sucks entirely.
I'm wanting and aching so much for someone who can do next to nothing for me or my well being.
I miss and love someone so much ...someone who needs to question or perhaps knows he doesn't love me and can't figure out if he really misses me or is just lonely.
Someone who is happy with me now but is probably happy because he gets to leave at the end. He gets to go ..anywhere but here.
I don't know. I could be wrong.
I still love his voice. Hearing him makes me smile. Majority of the time that he calls, he keeps me on the phone for 30..40 minutes. Or longer. We rarely have a short conversation on the phone.

So maybe he does miss me?
But then there are the days I don't hear from him. At all. Granted they are few. He texts or calls almost every day. He reaches out in some form.
Maybe I should see that. He. Reaches. Out. He might not be saying the things I want him to say right now but he's reaching.
Maybe I should be happy with that as yet. 6 weeks ... Feels like forever ..
Sent from my iPhone