Blah

I don't know what to feel. What to think.
I'm trying to just let the days go by til I have to move. I still can't bring myself to pack anything. I can't bring myself to do anything except what I have to do and work. My ex visited today. We don't talk often but when we do it's brief. He's facing a lot being that he's losing his mother slowly but surely.
But all the while he was here, talking, trying to cheer me up, trying to help me sort my head out, I kept thinking of Chris. And while thinking of him, he texted.
I miss his voice. As stupid as that may sound.
I miss his smile.

I miss the way he held my hand as we drove home from the beach. The way he touches my cheek or my chin.
I like this person now. I hate myself for wanting him now. Not that I didn't always want him.
I hate the space between.