I spied

I know it was wrong but I had to know. For the last 3 weeks he's been coming over here he's been extremely affectionate. The first time, yes, it was raw, fresh, and I was hurt. The second time was a week ago, exactly. Last Sunday. He wanted to have dinner. So we got together at the apartment, we ordered in. He took Jaiden to the park. They returned as the food arrived. We sat together. We ate. It was nice.
And as Jaiden nodded off, we sought quiet refuge in the bedroom for a little while. And then the bathroom.
There were no condoms so we couldn't actually do it. But we both found endings regardless.
Just as Jaiden woke up too.
Since then he'd called a few times, was supposed to take Jaiden out Monday but he never showed. Said he was in pain due to extensive dental work.
The week went past. I didn't text. Called only when Jaiden asked to speak to her Daddy.
Saturday night he said he wanted to see us today, Sunday. Said 2.30pm. I said ok. Went to work. Came home. Kept Jaiden awake instead of having her nap. Showered. Readied. 2.30...3.00...3.12 he texts. He's doing his time card. He'll be over in a bit. I didn't reply. 4.00...4.30..I took her outside to play. Did anything I could to keep her awake. Til I couldn't anymore. 5.00 she fell asleep. 15 minutes later, my bell rings. Low and behold. Told him she was asleep.
He stayed. The whole hour went by. He said he would go. I said ok. But he didn't leave. Instead all the insignificant touches throughout the hour led up to more foreplay. Another hour went by. I was still completely dressed but he was almost undone. 7.08 after all the whispered words, the soft kisses ..she awoke.....

And I was relieved.

After I got her while allowing him to dress, he took her outside. But left his phone inside.
This is where I did the wrong deed. I looked. Not at it all. I was looking for just 1. Amazing how I knew which it was.
A girl named Kerry from a store he visits. I didn't read it all and from the look of it he had deleted the previous ones. It started of with her asking what happened to him and his gf. And how was his daughter.

He said we broke up. And he was taking Jaiden to the zoo. A lie. He didn't. She said she was sorry - he said it was ok and that he was miserable for a long while. We were going to court for custody.
Further down, he was at a bar, felt old. Said dating again was going to be difficult. She consoled him. Said girls like single dads. He asked if she had any single friends. Then said he was joking...partially. She said she had more male than female friends. He said he was joking anyways. Scrolled down and he told her they really should get together before she left. I guess she was going somewhere. Then he said 'sweet dreams Hun' ..
I didn't read anything after that.
I was hurt. He's playing the victim card by omitting parts of the truth. Yeah we broke up but you never said we talk almost daily. You never said yeah I slept with her and did stuff after I broke her heart. You never said all the outings you have with Jaiden that you actually show up for, I'm there too. You never told her YOU were why you weren't happy. You never said I did everything I could to make you happy. But after 5 years you didn't want me.

All the things you NEVER SAID.
You never said you didn't want to think about dating til you were sure about us.

I was so sad. So hurt. Because everything you did say to her, was half truths. And I didn't deserve that.

I realize now it'll be a long while before you really see what you lost. Because you're too busy lying about how it happened.
I'm glad it didn't go further today. I'm too weak yet to say no to you.
I still love you and I'm too stupid to realize you're using me.


Sent from my iPhone