These words

... When she said her friend was losing her marriage it hurt. I don't even know her friend and it hurt. Love had fallen yet again. And here I was on the same path to losing what I want. It's all I could think about today.
And him on the beach. But that's besides the point. She's right. I am sad more than I want to be. When he told me over the phone that in the back of his mind he does want me to wait for him it somehow set me at ease. But then he said he still doesn't want to be with me. And it hurt.
He seems so sure about what he's doing. He seems happy. He was excited to leave and be in his own. That part of life he never got to live seems amazing. He wants it. He said he was excited to get to live on his own because he never had.
Amazing how I'd lived a whole lifetime before him. His is just out of order, somewhat.
Mine was school, job, on my own, boyfriend, moved in with him, moved out, Chris, baby, moved in, broke up. Chris' was school, job, lots of girls, baby, moved in, broke up, moved out.

He said he believed in fate. And while he was on the phone he got that call about him not getting to move for another month and a half. I told him, jokingly of course, God was trying to tell him something.
At least we laughed about it.
I find it warming that he does text me, as random the content, almost every day. Maybe it's the fact he's used to texting me random things, or he's got no one else to share it with. Today was a pink car that he took a picture if while at work, said it would be Jaiden's first.
Yesterday was him telling me the songs he's been addicted to lately. Just...simple things.
At night he's resumed his game playing habits. How do I know? I can see his name and what game he's playing when I get on my PS3.
But it passes the time, right? I know he goes stir crazy there.
Enveloping himself into tv and games is his distracting himself, his running and not dealing with whatever.
In my head, I understand everything thats happening.
I'm trying to get my heart on board with that.
Lately I'm trying to figure out what I truly love and miss about him. Maybe when I have some of those answers I may not ache for him so much. Because it wasn't just him depressed and sad for those 3 years. But I actually tried to make changes.
I need to pack his things away too. Maybe it'll help.
Maybe it won't.
Maybe these are just words.


Sent from my iPhone