Maybe

..that wasn't the brightest thing to do.
We hadn't spoken directly since Monday while on he phone. Then out of the blue, regardless of him randomly texting me every day this week, asks if he can take Jaiden. My response was "Where? I'm at work and she's with my parents." his reply was simply "Bleh"..
So I called and asked him where did he wanna go. He said the park. I told him I'd have my parents take her there and he can bring her to me when he's done or I get home. That would have given him about 2 hours with her.
Instead of saying yes or no, he said "Have you had dinner yet?" I said I hadn't eaten since lunch. He said "Let's go out to dinner. "Just us? "No the three of us. I'll pick you up around 8.30 8.45 so you can change after work."...Alright...
Somehow we always end our conversations with Bye babe/Bye hun. Just like we always had.

He showed at 9. And we walked to the Fridays which was practically next door.
Of course, the usual hugs transpired between him and Jaiden but then he asked me for one. Like always. Dinner was quiet, yet fun. Easy. Jaiden asked if I was sad...I said no. I wasn't. I was also peeling from the excessive heat rash from being at the beach so there was some discomfort.

The walk home was quiet. And he was getting ready to do his whole "I've got to get going" bit. It was just after 11 - And he gave me a hug but...we just never let go. Maybe it was the fact that neither of us had been with anyone else in over a month and 'needed it' or maybe he was testing the waters to see if I'd still give in to him. But Jaiden, who hadn't napped all day, had already passed out and we just couldn't keep our hands away from each other.
Maybe he was just being a man and using me. I hope that's not true.
We both knew we shouldn't because of how I felt, how I feel. And hours of just...what seemed like torture, ended. From the couch to the bedroom ...his name on my lips..our bodies just melted into each other.
And at the end..I cried. Not sad tears...
Just more confused ones. He knows it hurt to have him and then to watch him walk away. I felt the defeat in his body as he held me, his body slumped into that "...Fuck...what did I do...." state.

It didn't change things between us. So he said. He was still as confused.
I still want him.
I want him to come back for me. To fight for us.
..I guess only time will tell.