The last few days have been touch and go with my emotions. I'm sad more often than not and then mad at myself for being sad. Mornings find me more depressed than I ought to be. I just can't believe this is my life.
I'm getting more nervous as that initial court date comes because he'll either be ruthless because of his cunt mother or seek sympathy. I feel helpless and out of control.
I'm sad that it's not going to be me. He won't come back for me.
Part of me is ok with that. The other part isn't.
How do you just NOT KNOW ...
Bleh. I run myself in circles honestly.
I'm ok. I'm not ok. I'm ok. I'm not ok.
I want to show my daughter happiness. The good side of love. Show her how wonderful it is. Not the misery. She can tell when I'm sad easier now. And she asks. And I can't lie. Her responses are that we should get daddy back home. We need to go get him.
And I cry because she doesn't understand completely. And it's not fair.
I think he's lying about moving too. He said he went in person to the place and they didn't have a set move in date for him. It may be September 1st or it could be August 15th. How do you not know. How do they not know. It feels shady.
But I don't ask. I try not to call and I've stopped telling him I love him. Stopped texting it. But I feel something's wrong.
And I'm afraid.
Sent from my iPhone
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