..those are the words i keep thinking, telling myself whenever that physical ache lurks into my chest, my stomach, up my throat. Where I want to slip into the confines of some dark corner and cry more. Because it feels like it's the only thing that helps. Crying. But crying about what?
That we don't talk.
That he's mad I took him to court for child support and custody.
..that he is angry.
That he's being cold. Distant.
Absent.
And I'm trying so hard to do the same.
That no one would just shake him and make him see what he's done.
That no one can.
I've never been heart broken.
I've never been this sad.
And I'm trying to keep my chin up.
Trying to stay positive.
Trying to keep my apartment..because I don't want to go back to my parents.
Jaiden knows this as her home. This is home.
That he's possibly gone this week to Vegas and he won't think about us.
He never called before. In fact, last year he started a fight before he left and we didn't talk at all.
And while he was there he said he wanted to move out, to break up. I said ok. And then changed his mind.
That right now he opts to see Jaiden once a week and never calls her but at court he was ranting about wanting her more than just one day.
We have joint custody of her. She resides with me. Everything was pretty liberated as far as visits and such. He is paying a menial, almost laughable amount for her as well per week in child support. But it is what it is.
..as time withers away I don't feel him coming back. I feel there's someone else.
I hope I'm wrong.
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