The ability to love. Love past flaws, love beyond wrongs, mistakes, lies, love regardless of race, distance. I feel like its torture to have waited so long to finally find love, to be put through so much from the one I chose, to come out with so little.
I mean I have my daughter. Irreplaceable. But my heart is so jaded, so wounded now. And I was cautious. I was careful of his heart. I was mindful of his feelings. His needs. His wants. His dreams. His family. His work. His joys.
And it's brought me abandonment. Physical and emotional neglect.
Why would anyone want to destroy something so great in a person. Ruin their love. And it's not like the culprit is unaware. They've been hurt. They've hurt others.
And me, the doe eyed wounded deer, after being crippled, shot at, chased through the darkness of the forest, I still turned tail to go back for my assailant as if he'd fix me. He'd nurses wounds. Take my pain. Peeking out from the one tree trunk that separates me from him. And he sees me. Knows I'm there. But he won't give me much attention. Just a few breadcrumbs.
Just enough to make sure I come back ...make sure I never really leave.
Love should never be this unfair...
And I know you're saying I should be better equipped to walk away. But that would have required me to step on others, break their hearts, hurt them to get there.
I just can't do that. I believe in love too much ...
Sent from my iPhone
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