...when someone doesn't want you, til now. It hurts. It physically hurts. My heart aches and my stomach hurts. It feels like someone's sitting on my chest all the time. I've never not been wanted, but I've also not wanted another like I wanted for Chris.
With my ex, Mike, I think I grew to love him. I thought he was cute at first but there was no real spark. And he grew on me. We did things together. We went out, I disregarded his faults and accepted his idiosyncrasies. And when I wanted Chris and he didn't respond..I was alright.
Now? The thought of him talking to other women, or wanting to be with someone else...hurts.
I told my mom when she told me I looked like I wanted to cry, that it was the reality of the situation kicking in.
Letting go, really letting go.
We don't talk much at all. Our conversations are short and no longer end with what they once did. The way they did.
It's cold. It's distant.
I'm frightened to be alone, seemingly. To be unwanted, now.
No matter what anyone says, all the cliche bullshit, all the "it'll get better with time".."Be happy with yourself, use this time for you"...none of it is going to take this pain away. It feels like I always have to throw up.
Maybe I'll feel better after Monday. Maybe I won't.
..at this rate, the way we're just...drifting apart...I don't think he'll come back.
...and I'm afraid I'll be stuck with this ache ...
Yeah ..no I don't need the cliche "Only if you let it.."
It hurts now.
It saddens me now, though that I heard back from a school I wanted to send her to and when I called him to tell him, he still doesn't want to start her in September, he still wants her to wait.
...you're depriving your child..of school.
*sigh*...this sucks. It hurts and it sucks.
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