Under pressure

It's been a few days at least. This feeling won't subside at all. As if I'm under heavy duress ... A weight just lodged so confidently on my chest. That feeling as if there a need to cry. It's big. But you can't get it out. There's no tears. Just... Pressure ... Suffocating.
I don't know what it is but it's only when I lay in bed. Awake. Maybe it's why I don't sleep ..
I can't swim but I always see myself stepping off the ledge of a bridge when I lie here. I feel my life just slipping away. Leaning out from my seams..and then I look over. I tell her every day how much I'll always love her ever if I'm not here..
Tears. I feel them ...and all I can do in this moment is close my eyes and turn into my palm and will them away as the pain in my chest grows.
Always so. Sad. Always pretending lately.
Somethings wrong and I'm not ok... Not anymore.

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