The pain

..the hours that go by the pain just seems to swell with it. Pass with it. It had been almost 3 days since he'd called and even then, it was only because his mother told him I was worried. 3 days and I couldn't take it anymore. I called again, to replied with a text that he couldn't speak. Busy. 10 minutes later, It's almost 2am here, he called. He said he didn't want to talk to me, which is why he didn't call at all. He thinks he should move out when he returns. That he didn't want to talk about it further than that and he had to go. Then, he said "Forget everything I said.."
I'm confused. I've cried til my chest hurts. Til I want my chest to rip open and my soul to just spill out of me because it hurts so much.
He went all the way to Vegas, to ignore me, and then ti semi-instigate a break up over the phone.
"I have to go. I'll call you back."

He never did.
Part of me can foresee the end. Me moving out of this place because I can't pay the rent and the bills and he won't. He has...no credit to get another on his own, so he'll wreck mine by making me forfeit the apartment and lose my security deposit.
He won't talk to me when he gets back. He'll use every excuse he can as he parks himself in front of his computer again. "I'm tired..I've had a long flight. A long day."..whatever it takes, to not face this. And I am too weak to even begin to deal with it.

I sent myself flowers. They'll be here tomorrow. I just want to feel wanted. Loved. Beautiful. Thought of.
...and I still want him.
But he's so set in his ways that I'll possibly never have him. I maybe, never had him. I don't know anymore.