Mixed emotions

I thought I had felt better, but I don't. I saw something else that might have been a mistake? Sent to the wrong person? The number wasn't logged. It was a picture entitled "Butt" but it was the picture of someone's ass in cut off pants from the waist down, sitting, laying..
I don't know.
So I texted back. "Who is this?"
As far as I know, there was no reply. But it's things like that that make me wonder. As it should. I called it even, the number, no answer.
Maybe I'm too suspicious for my own good? I've lost myself in being worried for so long that it's almost too difficult not to, anymore. I'm too much of an "all or nothing" sorta person, I guess. I know I'm not the only person like that in the world. But how can it be too much to ask, you want honesty? I do too.
You want fairness? Me too
Loyalty and faithfulness? Me too.
I don't need to know who you talked to all day, I don't need to know where you went, unless it's important. Would it be something that would upset you if I knew? I look at it as ..I'm human. I'm allowed to be angry, sad, upset, at times. And I will be without your permission, so let me. It won't last forever. It may last a few moments, an hour, a day. But if it's irrelevant to us, to you and me then I won't remember it when the time comes. It's not important enough to be recalled.

I keep getting this weird feeling, these odd looks, like, suspicion. Like, he knows ... or thinks I know. He's got to know the pictures are gone by now. And if he does, and he's concerned, he's hiding it decently. Then again, deceit knows many masks. I could spot a liar, and I have been lied to.
Sometimes it's nice to be asked "How are you today? Is there anything I can do, anything you need."..it's nice to know you're thought of, and concerned about.
We were talking about something, and I don't remember if we were alone or with my parents...

But he said "Why do you think I call you almost every day." - truth of the matter is..he doesn't. Whether in Jersey or in another state..I've gone DAYS without speaking to him. His daughter's gone days, sometimes the entire time without knowing he's not there. He hasn't come home. As she grows, she has the fleeting "Da-da" ..but she's not of age yet, I feel. But as a parent who's away as often as he is, I would be worried. Maybe it's a mommy thing, maybe it's because I spend all day with her and I have been away from her for more than a day but...I just it would hurt me to know she doesn't think of me and wonder where I am after a certain amount of time.

He seems unaffected. And unfortunately whenever I bring it up he takes it with a grand assault and assumes I'm saying he's a bad parent. But ...