Well, Nothing really. Aside from the age difference.
He was smart, good looking, well spoken. It might have been the novelty of him in itself. But it took us a while to actually meet. The first time was supposed to be for Chris' 29th birthday. I arranged it so it was us and 4 of his friends and Walter to go to a local comedy club. I foot the bill for the tickets and the drinks/food.
1. Walter never showed up. So that ticket was wasted. Awesome, right?
2. None of the friends offered to chip in anything for the night. Great!
3. I was the only sober one. Fabulous.
So with that gone, I was upset he made me spend the money as he led me to believe he'd show up. So we tried again at the local TGIF. Success. And after one or two of them...it was mutual. A friendship. A couple times we met up with Chris and other friends, and ventured off to clubs, and sometimes just ended up at Fridays to eat, drink, have some laughs. But Chris would lean on Walter because he's a guy and Walter would lean on me, because I'm not his girlfriend. He had to play both sides of the coin.
I'd later found out that he and Chris had many outings, without me knowing. Friends had seen or hear them. And he was playing with dangerous flames. Chris would tell him things that I would be far from privy to.
I have a bad habit.
Of looking too deep. Of prying, almost.
It's how I found out alot of things.
It's how I found out about Tabitha (to come soon) and it's how I found out about the second woman. It's how I found out about what Walter and Chris shared. It's also how I found out about what Chris told other women.
But with Walter, ....I'm sorry but I'm 4 beers deep and I'm angry again. But as the book says, anger is a secondary emotion so I can only say my initial emotion would be that of disappointment in myself.
Walter, used my feeling against me, against the relationship I was trying so hard to salvage. He even went as far as to tell Chris that he ought to be with someone else, and not me. This was AFTER the fact he kissed me in my car and I turned him down. After he knew how I felt about Chris. That kiss, forever brutalized on my lips.
As intoxicated as I was, I had it in me to push him away and tell him no. And for the months that ensued, remain his friend.
Chris has always been 'my one'.
I'd loved him from the moment I realized that past those beautiful blue eyes and that charismatic smile that there was someone who just needed a hand to come out. I had been that hand, while we were friends. While riding the wave of our relationship's beginning.
I knew nothing about him that could be considered 'saving'. So I knew I wasn't his angel. But I was in fact his friend. Chris did always lean quicker to a woman than a man for advice, for help. For...comfort.
Walter utilized the fact that we were an unburdened couple who could go out frequently, get drunk with no consequence. I know of a few occassions that Walter took Chris out to a local irish dive to 'look for woman' <---that is what Chris called it. Because Chris was there to talk/Walter suggested and ...that's how he stated it to the woman he spoke to after telling her he was single ..when in fact he wasn't.
Walter withheld the fact that Chris felt uneasy about the whole pregnancy thing. But he shouldn't have been the only one to know. He should have spoken to me as an adult instead of inadvertently asking for an abortion while he was seeing someone else.
Walter was the pain in my ass that grew as my problems with Chris grew.
I used him though. I hated that I did but I did. I needed that male view. I felt as though I was losing my sight. My way with Chris. And I needed another outlet. Another angle.
Don't get me wrong. Walter was fucking crazy. Without a doubt. I still have his conversations saved. And he blamed me for being angry. For being too angry.
For being too suspicious. For suspecting that Chris was up to no good majority of the time.
But you know that, Walter, you fucking moron, he was. He lied, every chance he got.
He hid delicate details about his life from other women. From me.
When I needed him he wasn't around.
Walter had his own deep seeded issues. He found his own solace in drugs and alcohol. And in relationships thar soured as quick as he defined them sweet.
- Removed me from friends because I was being honest with you and you didn't want to hear it.....or because I called you out on something?
- August 18, 2010Mindy Mohammed
- No because your last comment proves you know nothing about me. Never have, possibly never will now that it's 2 years later.
- August 18, 2010Walt Seaman
- So because you disagree, you remove me?
- August 18, 2010Mindy Mohammed
- Once again you think that sitting there and clarifying why you were flaky and wishy washy with both of us make you right and me not wanting to justify why I had every right to be angry THEN makes you better? And I'm the sarcastic one because you think my anger is a 'tough exterior'? You obviously have no idea who you're talking to.
- August 18, 2010Mindy Mohammed
- I removed you because we've had this conversation time and time again and you choose to think that because you're pointing out I was angry then make you in the clear now. it doesn't void what happened nor does it make you look any better now. it just makes the complicated situation of what was a repetitive sore now.
- August 18, 2010Mindy Mohammed
- and this only started because you think someone who you've not spoken to in a year and a half used you and hates you. I don't know his mindset or his purpose so i can't agree or disagree. but why after all this time did you have to bring it up again? to remind me I was lied to and made a fool of? to remind me my anger made me blind to alot? I know that. How DARE you sit there and say 'sarcasm' is a my smokescreen and I have a hard time stepping up to my fault. I'll be the first to say 'hey I was wrong'. and I have.
- August 18, 2010Walt Seaman
- There's no such thing as being in the clear in this lifetime for anyone. I have no need to make myself look better, I own up to my mistakes, why would I ever try and justify something to someone who isn't a friend and never will be? but I do know that someone whose so quick to jump on the defense is someone who has a guilty conscience, and I think the quote goes "The things that make one angry most assuredly is the truth."
- August 18, 2010Mindy Mohammed
- I have nothing to hide and never did so a guilty conscience doesn't reside here. I'm not the one who keeps bring it up.
- August 18, 2010Walt Seaman
- The only thing I mentioned was that for once I finally realized my part in the puzzle. The donkey, who was suppose to show preference in loyalty otherwise suffer the wrath.
- You were the one who dug further.
- August 18, 2010Mindy Mohammed
- ...well I just lost my entire post so it wasn't meant to be said ...
- August 18, 2010Walt Seaman
- Oh, the post where I again suffer the wrath, not only for the mistakes I made but also for being sucked into the lil back and forth he said she said bullshit?
Bottom line is this. You confided in me about things back then and so did he, I showed no preference, and when something was said to me in confidence it stayed that way. You can sit there all day long and swear that you were made a fool of, and that I did nothing but lie and cover for Chris. The fact is when a friend says something to me in confidence I keep it that way. Did you ever stop and think that the day I went to the bar with Chris was just to talk? Sort of like the one day you stopped by here when you didn't tell him about it? You both wanted someone to confide in and it's not my damn problem if I tried being a good friend to both of you for better or worse. I don't and won't justify the times I fucked up between the attitude and the b/s threats because I was flat out wrong those times and have regretted them ever since because I should've known better but in the heat of the moment and stupidity I lowered myself to being someone that I'm not. What I was saying before wasn't a sermon, it wasn't a justification, it wasn't me trying to point out where others went wrong...it was me telling you something as a friend because I did the same exact damn thing with Dana(And vice versa) that you two idiots did to each other and we ended up losing each other in the process. You ever stop and think that maybe I really do care and want the best for the people I care about? Probably not, but you sure did stop and think that I had all these bad intentions and vindictive ideals.
Like I said, I wasn't trying to make myself look more right, because even if I was right about one part, I was still wrong about another. But I do give a shit and you may be right, I don't know you that well, but the same goes to you about me, you assume Im a bad person, you think I'm a liar, you think all these things yet you truly don't know me. Sure, I lied to both of you at times, what the fuck was I suppose to do, just sit there and violate the others trust to benefit the other....or violate the confiding persons trust to keep the other persons trust...there was a lot I was wrong for, but a lot I didn't have a damn choice about because I was damned either way.
- August 18, 2010Walt Seaman
- I do have one last question before I go clean out my room...The day Chris told me about the whole STD ordeal...was I suppose to tell him the truth that I knew about it and that you told me...or was I suppose to play dumb and cover for my other friend who told me in confidence?
Life's easy when right and wrong are as clear as black and white, but it really does kill me when the line is blurred because I try to be honest AND trustworthy...apparently I can't be both. On the flip side of that, had I told both of you to leave me out of it, I would've been the friend who turned his back and wasn't there...like I said, damned if I did, damned if I didn't.
- August 18, 2010Walt Seaman
- And just for the record, the reason maybe I have kept bringing it up in the past was because it just slightly burns me up(Extreme Sarcasm..more like Severly pisses me off) that out of all the friends I've had in this lifetime, the two I lost were some of the select few who were actually true friends....friends that I miss and care about.
- August 19, 2010Walt Seaman
- I figured that would be your answer.
- August 19, 2010Mindy Mohammed
- ?
- August 19, 2010Walt Seaman
- Like I said, I had one question...should I have been honest with Chris and told him that I knew about it...or should I have done what I have played dumb about it and cover for you(Some would call that being deceitful which no matter how you slice it, it is lying)?
- November 4, 2010Walt Seaman
- Just so you don't think I was LYING to you, no I never ended up leaving for reasons unannounced.
There's more but I don't have the energy to go looking. Walter, would have been a great adversary to have on my side ...but he was too blindsided by the fact he lost out on great friends, and kept losing out.
Walter and I have been fighting for years. Lol. YEARS.
I don't know if it was the fact that I rejected him or...something else.
He wasn't stupid. Just...misguided alot.
He makes and interesting point ill need to write about. Now maybe...honesty and trustworthy are gained separately sand yet often their lines are blurred. Many see them as interchangeable characteristics when in reality at times they may be opposites. Hmmm ill text yap when its done. I'm writing now. Lol
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