Being realistic sucks

..it truly does.
I really need to let go of this man. And just hide away. I can't being that we share a child but I wish he would eject himself from life.
Our life.
He asked if I wanted to go pumpkin picking last Friday.
I didn't really answer and he seems awkward lately.
Different. Distant. So I won't be reminding him nor will I make myself available otherwise. (we know I will be a moron and answer his call/text) but wishful thinking is nice, right?

Since I told my parents they can't just DROP by anymore, they need to call first, my dad's been avoiding me. He doesn't call or seems distracted.
My brother keeps pissing me off further so I keep making him leave when he starts his usual drama and has his hissy fits.
Just because I tell you you can't just drop by makes you feel you aren't welcome? Not my fault. I'm 30. I have my own life. I want my own space. That's why I left. Just because you were 'there' all the time doesn't mean I want you up my ass all the time. It's uncomfortable TO ME.
Now I see how Chris sees it.

And just because I tell you I don't want you present when Chris drops Jaiden off - if that equates me kicking you out, FINE. I'll kick you out. But it's my place. Respect my rules. You can take my asking you to not be present any which way you like. Don't care anymore. Your thought process is so twisted and caveman-ish. I hate it. YES some of your ideas are fine, but not all.
So I don't care if you don't agree with what I'm asking. NOR will I agree to everything you're saying.
My life. My house. My rules.
You don't need to come over.
You don't need to be around.

I'm so sick of everyone taking offense to how I live my life and the privacy I ask for. After March I just want to disappear from New Jersey. Seriously.

And my mom seems to think Chris and I are so messed up ...Neither of us will say we want to be together and neither of us will let go.
Or rather, he won't be a man and SPEAK up and I won't ..let go.
But you know what? I've said all I can. I've done all I could. She thinks he's waiting on me to beg for him back.
But he doesn't want me.
He's happy being single.
He's happy in his own space.
He wants the single life, not a family life. He's not a family man. He has no priorities. No dreams. No ambition. Not for a family anyways.
So I quit.

Every time we disagree on something I go off and remind myself it's 4 months later and he still doesn't give a shit and he's all "No pressure, right?..yeah.." like wtf does that mean?
So when I stay away he's hurt. When I'm around, he's hurt.
I can't fucking win AT all.