I'm trying so hard to not think. Not question. Just let it be. My spurts of depressing are disheartening. I'm better than this. He doesn't care. Why should I, at all?
I found my old jourNal tonight. I sat and read the random entries. I'd written a letter to Jaiden too. Telling her she makes me happy. Telling her she would always have me. The same agony I had then, his absence, his fear. His not caring. Here it is again.
I found 1 entry of me begging myself to be good enough for him, for his love.
I've been vying for his love... For years. And I still don't have it. It's time I let go. Let go of someone who doesn't want me and will never. Someone I never had. Despite his letter, his "I want space to choose you. I need to know where I belong"...
Fact is, it was never me.
Surrendering is hard now.
Sent from my iPhone
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