..more..

Last night he came to take the rest of his things to finalize his move into his own place. It was weird at first. His embrace, his kiss on my head. I couldn't look him in the eye just yet. It hurts. I'd cry. I let him spend time with Jaiden and then, he said he wanted me to see the place. He said he didn't know if that was weird to ask.
I smiled. I'm so weak.
I said I would if he wanted me to. I jokingly said I should have keys to his place. He said "Well, I have yours, so it's only fair. " and he took the keys out. But he didn't know which were which so he said he'd have them for me when I came over.
This will be his first weekend with her Every other weekend routine will start.
He said he likes where he is. It's new, it's spacious. Central air. I reminded him that the space comes from there being 1vs3 people living there.
I think he likes the freedom of it all. But I said nothing.
He said "I bought beer."
I said.."You don't drink beer."
.."Yeah I bought it for you incase you came over."...

I'm scared. But I don't know if I'm more scared of letting go or ..watching him be happy and move on. Or it's none of the above.
Every other weekend he'll pick her up Friday and drop her off for me on Sunday. I'd prefer it that way so I don't have to go there. I don't feel like I belong there. Maybe that's how he felt at first. But this is his journey. He has to decide on wanting the family he had or wanting the every other weekend deal.
I have to adjust my thought process.
But for yesterday, last night that is, I was glad. and I thanked God..
He still has a loving touch. When he reached for my hand. Kissed my cheek. He made me unbalanced but for a moment..he smiled and said " I make you weak in the knees.."...

I woke up today with only the thought that I love him still. I love him so.