It's been a rough few days as it seems. Well, for me anyways. Staying away. Having him mess with my head with simple questions that, to any other person, would mean more than it is. Why? We aren't friends. I don't want to be his pal.
I don't want to go to the movies with you if you've got no one else...
But see, that's the thing. You do. You can go with Chris, or Billy even. Or your brother.
But you chose to ask me. Why? If it's not a date, then why? Comfort?
If you aren't going to be making out with anyone during or after the movie, should it matter?
I mean, I should look at it from a different perspective. If he wanted to do that with someone else, he could easily ask someone else. Not me.
Either way ...we never went. I didn't plan on it but you had the courtesy to call and say we had to reschedule because you didn't feel well. I appreciated that.
We had gotten into a huge fight over the child support crap too. You weren't going to give me the full amount. Kept putting it off. Last week, this week, Saturday, Maybe..I'll see ..I'll check my account. You're not getting all of it.
Who do you think I am?
What do you take me for?
So I said if I didn't get it this weekend, I was calling the court first thing Monday morning.
After some angry words, nothing mean, though, you called and apologized, even after texting that you were sorry.
I appreciated that too. I wasn't going to answer. But I did.
It's like...you're fighting with everyone, including yourself and the only person you really direct it at, is me.
When you came over, I know you were jealous.
I also knew you were coming to ask for Jaiden. And I'm glad she wasn't there. But you lingered. And then said you'd be back. But lingered some more. You asked me to go food shopping with you but I inadvertently declined. You didn't want to go alone, and Jaiden makes it fun ..I make it..not as fun but fun nonetheless. I'm also not a 3 year old toddler.
I still tell you I love you from time to time, as if to remind you that I do, especially when we fight. Because I want you to know that whatever is happening between us doesn't change how I feel.
Even it's me telling you I won't be taken advantage of or put up with your lazy bullshit, as far as payments go. I will go to court if I have to get the money. Everything I've done and will do will be with love, out of love. But I won't be walked all over. Especially if you choose not to be part of my life.
I can't love you any less. It seems like it grows daily.
I don't know how much truth lays in that. I could just be stupid.
But I am receding from you.
I don't give in as easy when you ask things of me anymore. Movies? Shopping?
Hell you even asked me to meet you while you were out last night. You were literally, 2 minutes away but I said no. I didn't want to go outside. Truth is, I would have been there in a heartbeat. But I didn't...
Again, it doesn't change how I feel about you at all. I love you just as much now as I did before.
I just know...a little better.
You were complaining when you'd called to apologize.
Something about your job I couldn't hear clearly.
About your parents not getting off your back, your sister too.
About them wanting you to take the fish tank, like you really want or need it? I can see you letting those fishes die. You're only doing it so Jaiden will like it. But it's fishes.
And then about money. How you can't save anything. Because after you put money in her fund you're hit with another bill or something. And you got declined for another credit card or something.
Welcome to life, Chris.
Welcome to wanting to be on your own.
Welcome to being something like an adult.
I know you go to your parents often because it's food you don't have to buy or pay for. I do it too. because I really cannot afford it.
But you haven't made much attempt to change your habits. You don't sleep. You stay up all night playing video games. You call at your convenience to see Jaiden. Always the SAME day of because you're in the area. But you fail to see that when you do that, I will turn you down.
I can't make it so easy. Every other weekend means that. If you tell me today that you want to see her Tuesday? I'll say ok. Because I got some notice. But don't call me when I'm working to ask if she's with me because you wanted to take her with you food shopping. Don't come over because you think she's here and you can take her with you. Don't call to ask if you can have her for a few hours when it's NOT your weekend when you really wanted to take her with your family for your Dad's birthday because your mom and sister pressured you to.
Your sister - what a pathetic waste of space.
I still can't believe they took your dad out to dinner and THEY (your parents) paid for it.
When we were together, I still offered to pay some of the bill but was always declined.
Yeah they took everybody out for whoever's birthday. It was a nice gesture when it happened.
I was always grateful and said my 'thank you's.
But your sister?
"Hey, let's take Dad out for his birthday, but you guys will pay right Mom? You'll pay for you guys, Sean, Becky, oh and my kids, and my husband, and me of course, and well Chris too."
Stupid bitch.
And now that his Dad has been let go from his job, I can see shit getting rough.
He said they're recarpeting the house ..I suggested that maybe they plan on selling it. He said it would take at least a year if in fact they were. And then if they were moving, looking for a house. It's all a really long process. I took his word for it since that stuff isn't something I follow ..
It doesn't add up - been recently fired and redo-ing my house? Been looking into homes in Florida. He said the bid they did put in on the house was declined. So they didn't get it. BUT maybe they did put one in they didn't say about, and maybe they are trying to sell their home, faster than they're saying. I don't know - it's just speculation on my part. Things have happened before with Chris being the last one to know.
I hate the space between.
I hate the distance.
I hate that you're doing this.
And I hate that you won't fix it.
No comments:
Post a Comment