Minor details

I guess that's all I have now. things seem to be *knock on wood* rolling along rather smoothly lately. No nit picking, no unwarrented angers, aside from the BUSTED moment which came and went quickly. Just...minor details of things to be done to progress forward. I didn't state that his parents were helping us look for a house. What does that mean? That means, his parents want to buy us a house and put us in it. And we take over the payments on it. So....In Mindy-land? I can't do it. I've done it before. i placed my faith in someone else. i gave up my apartment, I lost my deposit and I moved in with someone else who's mommy bought him the house and I overlooked the fact that my name wasn't on the lease because I went with the kind heart and stupid mind that "I'll never kick you out, this is for you both" windbag-excuse. NEVER AGAIN.

Chris said he'd told his mother that we're putting it off til April, but that means we have to re-sign (meaning me) the lease and be here for another year. On a personal note, I need to know before hand what decisions are being made. I'll never (as much as I care for and Love Chris) move into a house that 1. Doesn't have my name somewhere in the paperwork since I'll be handling all the financial aspects of the home and 2. We aren't married or engaged to be married in the near future. I don't care WHAT his parents have to say. And she's said the same drivel my ex's mom did the first time they brought this up. "Oh I'll never kick you out, you have my grand daughter, if anything Chris can move back home" but that entails NOTHING. If I stay then I can't maintain the bills for the house on my own. And I'll be dumb and damned to stay and let them foot it all with their son sitting at home. It's too many lose ends to tie, too many questions with no answers. Too much to speculate about at this juncture in time.

My 'demands' are small but firm. Married. And Name on lease. If something should happen in the future then we'll take it on but I need to be assured in SOME way I won't be homeless for whatever the reason. I did however express to Chris that if we're to move things along, he better get on it.
"What do you want for Christmas?"...
"Just one piece of jewelry that I don't have.." ...
"A ring?" ..
"That's right. "
"But you can't open that on Christmas day.."
"I don't care.. I want direction."

...and I let it go since then. Never brought it up again, and I might not til sometime in the future months. At least before my lease is due to be signed. These are the things, the BIG things, the decisions that make a life. That create a future. Not money, not what games we play, nothing like that. These decisions that carve our direction. And if it's not part of his plan, that's ok. I'll be on my merry way after I give up my apartment and get my money back.

No hard feelings. No anger, slight resent that may vanish with time. But I'm not wasting much more time. My daughter's getting older and we need a more stable person in our lives if it's not him. He'll always be Daddy now...
And a figment of my past. A minor detail for the rest of my life as it will come to stand when the time comes to choose. Just another...minor detail.