It feels and have felt over the last few weeks that time has spun out of control and gone 10 times faster than it should. Perhaps it's the fact that I've taken a step back from being emotionally attached and invested as I was. I've dedicated more of my time I wasted there towards me, my job and my family/child. I went ahead and changed the settings on his computer so that it no longer records his history. So I 1. Know there's going to be no record of anything on the PC. 2. i can't be upset if I can't see it and 3. I know I won't see anything so I have no incentive to look and wonder or worry or be angry. I can't be angry at something I can't see nor can prove is there. Call it a blind eye, call it whatever, it works.
I should have done this a long time ago but after catching him in the act a few times, I grew attached to being able to look and see where he's been and when. That was unhealthy and becoming something I relied on to view him differently. Something I could hold onto in the back of my mind and be mad. And it was wrong. I would think he watched it every day and while he was with my daughter. And even if he did watch it every day; who cares. And I should have better faith in his judgement not to be so careless and view it with her in the room. (Sometimes that benefit of the doubt came back to bite me in the ass on other things but I can hope right?)
So much has gone on in my time of not writing and by the time I caught up, I've forgotten half of what I wanted or needed to write because I didn't have the time to the first time. It'll come back to me though. Not as great as it was in raw for but it'll come back.
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