It's not like he's doing anything wrong. He's not being neglectful or anything. I just can't figure out what's going on..maybe it's just me thinking too much about something that ..while it can and should (maybe) be irrelevant, it's not. I keep going over and over in my head that it's been over 4 years, of nothing solid. no security. No...commitment. It's like...frustrating to say the least. And it'll be anywhere that I'm alone. In the shower, on the toilet, in the kitchen, driving. Laying in bed. On the PC. On Facebook, sitting in my chair, watching a movie. Anything, anywhere.
And then I think..maybe it will happen. And then I wonder how it'll happen. Will he make it special? Will he make it MY moment? Because he gives me none. There;s no dinners, no alone time, no us time, no time where he's focused on me and me alone. It's just...co-existing, co-inhabiting. And...I hate that aspect of living. And then after I think about the WHAT IF, I fall back to the reality of ..ITS NOT. and I get mad and upset again. A vicious cycle, see?
I think my brain's about had it..and my heart's about had it a year or two ago, possibly.
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