In the end

People tend to forget about the end result of things they do, say and how they react to things. They tend to feel as though the NOW has nothing to do with the LATER. And the THEN doesn't affect the NOW. And then the LATER.

Like parenting. I remember when we were just starting out, we would do or say things and have someone BUT and I stand by this, but NEVER MYSELF..say "She'll never remember that." and fact is, even though she won't. I WILL. and there will be a day when she will remember THAT. Because you won't know that time when she starts remembering begins. I mean, I've had shots in front of her, and now that she's older, I don't do it. Everything I do, I try to do it because I know I AM HER BIGGEST influence. Not even her father can say that. My parents do a great deal but their jobs are to spoil her. And I acknowledge that. They don't do anything they aren't supposed to and if it's something new - they bring it to me before hand. Places, food, clothes, whatever it is, it's to me. I used to always make sure with Chris that it was ok for things to happen. Now? I still tell him, but I do it in such a way that it's pretty apparent that I don't need his permission or even his knowledge. He gets told, just right before it happens. Why? He didn't care to know then, but never had the ability to say "I was never told"...and he still doesn't. Because he knows and was told. But I don't need anything else except knowing he knows.

He goes on and on about Jaiden calling someone else "Dad" but..who's he, really? IF - and I use it strongly, that word - if he goes to work, he's gone from a late hour to around 7pm. If he travels, she doesn't ask for him or mind/know that he's absent. She's 2. If he's home, he has little to do with her because he's lodged in front the computer, asleep til 4pm or later and takes no time to spend with her, to teach her. I was speaking with my friend Jay about how people react to the things our kids know. He's dealt with it himself with his wife. He's an at home dad but their son goes to daycare 3 days a week, half days. I forget if it were his colors or his number but she tried to give credit to the daycare instead of her husband.

Same with myself - Jaiden was in the kitchen with my parents, Chris and I and she was reading off pictures on blocks. I was very proud of her. And I said "Good job mommy." and in the corner was Chris with the most sullen look on his face like.."What about me?" - and honestly...inside I said "..what about you?" - because I KNOW he contributes NOTHING to Jaiden's upbringing. It's an ongoing process and I'm waiting for the day when she can tell him herself that he does nothing for her. It'll sting that much more if he hears it from her...out of the blue. Because I don't tell her anything negative. He gives her no praise, no courage and the little he does just sounds very patronizing.

When in groups - he tends to expect credit for the nothing he does because it's always "She's got loving parents." and while that might be true, he can love her like that from afar than be in front her face very day and ignore her. In the end...I hope she remembers and chooses her path accordingly and not how I did. Nor choose someone like her father, which is, the unfortunate process 99.9% of women do follow. Look for a man, just, like Daddy. Ugh.