And I'm finding grey clouds. Not that there's anything wrong with grey clouds, because I love a cloudy day but that's besides the point. I'm faced with some new choices within the next month or two.
1. My lease agreement will be here and WE need to decide if it's something we want to renew. In the same decision, we need to decide if his parents buying a house is still in the cards come April. And if it is, we need to plan for the next year. With that being said.
2. If it is...the house that is, will we be getting married. I mean...
I'm confused as to how to approach things. If he wants to stay with me, we can't leave for another year. Which means we can't start looking for a house until the END of the year or close to the start of NEXT year. UNLESS we look NOW. But a month or two isn't enough time. And if he doesn't want to stay with me, we need to decide that now too, so I don't resign the lease and we can go our separate ways in April. It's either REALLY long term, or really Short term and I'm ...confused how to set things in motion.
He knows I ...well, I'm pretty sure he knows, I won't live with him in a house his parents buy if we aren't married. I know he doesn't want to remain here because this place is driving us both crazy with it's every changing rules and regulations. Rent goes up yearly. The longer we stay the tighter things become as we acquire more crap and Jaiden gets older.
Also I'd like to sit his parents down so they know OUR financial status seeing as how they didn't ask before. They didn't even approach us or me correctly, if I may say so. They just said "hey ..let's buy you guys a house. Jaiden gets her own room, a back yard" blah blah blah. They don't know what debts I have, if any, they don't know my credit score, they don't even know Chris' or his financial status of things. He thinks his bonus in March will help a great deal but money is easy come, easy go. Out your hand in someone else's pocket just as quick as it came, ya know.
Is this the right time to bring things up? Is this the ..right way?
I feel like it's an ultimatum that was bound to happen seeing as how things have taken this long.
I even thought about taking him out for dinner, maybe a drink and discussing things. Letting him choose if he wants to be with me VS not. Having it written then offering the envelope of what he chooses. I'd never let him see the other.
And if Yes - saying we get married in a certain amount of time, no expensive ceremony, no expensive ring, just something to signify the vows we make. We start saving for this house plan and we make changes that will HELP us.
And if No - he moves out before we resign, and go our separate ways, we go to court to get shared custody of Jaiden and settle on child support. Case closed.
Does it seem rash? I don't know.
I don't want to be his girlfriend anymore. 30 is hitting me hard with these weird ideas lately. This really isn't where I wanted to be in life. And to devote 5 years to one man who gave himself partially to others only to be told he's just not sure, or he doesn't know..it's fair any more.
I'm reaching my cusp of just how much more I can take...
And now I'm trying to figure out what decisions to make.
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