It's been a while since I had anything remotely decent or rage-enthralled to say. It's been a shitty few days, weeks whatever it's been. Last week was another drivel infested day which ended in my crying and then, not giving a shit. I'm slowing letting myself go and not caring. especially about HIM. Not about anything else. Just him.
Case in point - we're food shopping last week, my parents have an eye on my daughter and we're making the final round to make sure we got it all and this girl walks in, on the phone, huge ass, fitted top. Strolling down the aisle. Chris who is standing right by my side, starts talking/rambling about nothing at all, yet he's got a very interested and adamant look on his face as if it's of some importance and starts off right behind the girl. I was..mortified. Like..I'm RIGHT THERE!!! He tails her til she's out of sight and KEEP WALKING to find the lane she's in, walks past, turns and comes back towards me. By this time i'm Stopped dead in my tracks just looking on haplessly at what I just saw. Felt. And I tried to brush it off by making a joke or two about it.
But by the end of the night...I was more hurt than ever. Best part? He SAYS to me he thinks he did NOTHING wrong. In his mind, in his actions, it's wasn't wrong. Well, mr - i fucked up the rest of his night by unattaching the internet wire from the modem in such a way that is was still in, but unclicked. NO FUCKING NET for your sorry ass.
He planted his ass, refusing to talk to me while he started a game. So I unplugged it. No game. No net. No porn, nothing. So he decided to bury himself in the bedroom to watch TV while I sat out here. TV got boring so he relied on the PS3 to entertain him for a while. By 12am he was reeling that it was still down. I faked...yes..faked, a phone call to the cable company who 'said' it's an unexpected problem and there'd be no telling when it would be up, just that it SHOULD be up by 6am.
Did he really have to make me go to that length? Yeah sure. I felt remorse at first but I stayed out til he went to bed, and by 4am, I replugged it in in time for him to have for work in case I fell asleep - so he wouldn't have to wake up, have no net, and bitch about being unable to download his stores for work.
As the days went by, I let that event go and pretended it didn't happen. He has NO idea what he's creating and then will have to deal with. BUT it won't be a monster of alcohol. It'll be one spawn from hate. Resent and regret. Not for being with him, but for being THERE for him ALL the time.
One day...and I hope it's one day I enjoy and can reap much from what I'm sowing, I won't be there and he'll not only need me but he'll WANT ME and I won.t Be. THERE.
I still love the unplugging of the internet and didn't know about the fake call. That's hilarious. And why I love you. My friend Roxanne thinks its awesome too!
ReplyDeleteYes, it was late when I did that. Almost midnight. That moment gave me a sense of control I forgot I had. And he was mad. Glad your friend liked it. :D
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