As I said, I'm undeniably in love with Chris still. But with no real reason why. And because of the way he makes me feel, his lack of presence...is why I see Ethan as well.
We go out to dinner, we spend great amounts of time together. Why? How? Remember, Chris is NEVER around.
And of course, in both scenarios (more so with Ethan) I call the shots of when we meet, where. How long.
So within that control too, I dictate how physical we are. Or in my case of the last few months, how much we aren't. And Chris and I don't have the time to actually do anything.
But Ethan gives me 90% of what I want and don't get from Chris. The only deliberating factors are...Chris is 35 and Ethan is 21. Chris is Jaiden's father. Ethan is a college lad with a GREAT body and personality, of course.
Chris is established with his home and job (and I say that with great amount of wiggle room).
Ethan has a good job and lives with 4 other guys. Lol.
And....I'm still incredibly in love with Chris.
I like the idea of Ethan because he is what I want. Just not the right package. And well nothing's wrong with his package...
-______- See? Going to hell.
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