Lost in transition

I feel like I lost my best friend. And I haven't had one since I was a child. 6 months. I told him everything.  I opened up to him in ways I never had with anyone else. I just...it was right. But I'm heartbroken. I just can't seem to have the same mind set anymore. And I know I'll be alright. I know I will. It's new. It's fresh. The wound hurts more because I didn't want to fall in love with him. And as hard as I fought it...I did.
And I fell hard because he had all the qualities I wanted in a mate. Just...he wasn't old enough to walk through this thing called Life with me because he had yet to live it. So young.  And if it wasn't for his age and lack of experience in life...we would be perfect.
And I know there's still time...he could come back. But I just am too fearful now to even look that far ahead.
I was his first love. His first time. And his longest relationship.  I understood him. Understood him so well that I knew it was wrong to keep him ...so I let him go.
I let go of everything I'd ever wanted. Because... .of time.
I keep dreaming he'll text me or call me asking me to let him in at some ungodly hour or he'll show up at my job while I'm staring off into the sky from the lobby. And he'll put his arms around me from behind and as much as I would fall apart...he'd hold me. Cry with me.
The idea seemed real. Seemed fitting. The reality of it all was he was too young to make such a commitment because he hadn't done anything to make a choice for.
We just..happened.
....and now I hate what's happening. 

I keep dying to text him. Tell him I need him. God how I need him.
But that wouldn't be right. It would make letting go hard for him ...and healing hard for me.

But...he needs me too.