I believe in marriage. I believe that when you choose that person to be with you for what is, in my mind, the rest of your life, you do what it takes. You don't run away - and by running I mean, avoiding conversations, or talking or sorting things out when necessary. And of course the actual form of running away.
I believe that hurdles are deeper and greater than that of the average dating couple. Dating couples haven't made that conscious decision to be together 'forever'. And sadly, in today's lifestyle, there is no such thing anymore. We've made it so easy to walk away.
Maybe that's why I'm 31 and never been engaged or married. Because my mentality and approach for the whole thing is so drastically different than that of the average man or even woman of today.
My mentality for marriage is old school.
In those hurdles you have to keep in mind that you both chose to be with each other, because they were both worth fighting to be with. Fighting whatever problems came your way. Not physically fighting. And not a specific person, although, I would personally fight a man or woman for what is mine and should be mine alone.
Your issues now have to be seen and handled with different eyes. Because it's a form of 'forever' you're caught up in.
I hate that people enter marriage with the thought that they can just walk away if and when they can. Nothing is sacred and nothing is worth the battle.
I hate love today, truthfully. I truly do. Because a love today seems so shallow and foreign. So fake and nonchalant. "Eh, if it doesn't work then you can leave." Why should you carve your mentality on something as wonderful as love to be so vacant.
If I'm not happy I can leave.
Well...what about the other half of that relationship, man? Doesn't that person count?
Did you talk to them to find out that they understood how you felt and understood that no matter how much they wanted it to work, your effort wouldn't be enough to help it along? Did you say that? Do they understand? Because they'd be smart enough to see that one person can't carry an entire relationship on their own. One person can't do all the loving and fighting. And they'll have to surrender to the decision that it's over. And they'll say 'Hey...I don't want to do this, I don't want it to come to this, but I understand that it has to happen because your heart and mind just isn't here anymore...and I have to accept that... I'm sad, I'm so sad, and I'm hurt but...I'll get it."
Those words hurt. But they'll understand and respect you for those words one day.
ONE DAY.
You know why?
Because you said it. You sat down and talked and they heard you and they might be mad, and sad and hurt but they'll understand.
I'm not saying this is flawless as an approach in any way.
Hell, that's the delivery I was given, perhaps a bit colder. "We will never be more than this. I don't want to marry you..." - that was what was given to me a year and a half ago.
But now, I get it. I got it a few months ago and granted I'm still being yo-yod around, I get it. Get it enough to move on into another relationship. Because back then I couldn't fathom being with someone who wasn't him. And now, it doesn't seem so far off.
